In the Book of Zohar, he talks about the idea of soulmates starting, “Before coming to this Earth, each soul and each spirit is composed of one man and one woman united in one single being. Descending to Earth, these two halves are separated and sent into incarnation in two different bodies. When it’s time for marriage, God unites them as before.” The idea of soul mates–the notion that there is one perfect person destined for everyone—had been deeply ingrained in literature, mythology, and culture for centuries. In modern culture, the idea is even more deeply ingrained through rom-coms and endless romantic notions that feed people the concept of “The One.” Some believe that soulmates are real, a cosmic connection between two souls meant to find each other. But is this notion a beautiful, yet unrealistic fantasy? Or is it a socially constructed idea that creates more harm than good?
The Soulmate Allure, Society’s Doing
The allure of the concept of soulmates lies in the promise of certainty in an otherwise uncertain world. It reflects not an inherent truth about human connection, but a collective yearning society has, shaped by cultural storytelling and social ideals. It boxes love into a singular quest: find the person who’ll make you whole, and everything else will fall into place. From a young age, people are immersed in narratives that equate love with destiny, throwing caution to the wind, and hopefully, to the hands of fate.
From fairy tales in childhood and romantic films to novels that show romantic fulfillment as the ultimate life goal, attainable only through finding “The One”, this romantic ideal, despite being comforting, ignores the nuanced, evolving nature of human relationships. Over time, it evolves into silent expectations, subtly ingraining in people’s minds what love should feel and look like. By looking at love as a matter of fate, people tend to forget the reality that love and intimacy are built through effort, vulnerability, and growth, not merely discovered. But fantasy sells better than reality, which is why society favors it.
In this way, the concept of soulmates doesn’t come from some kind of universal law of human connection or magic, like most are told to believe; it’s constructed. It’s passed down. It’s reinforced by generations who long for certainty in the undeniably chaotic, unpredictable experience of love.
The Complex Pressure on Finding “The One”
While the idea of soulmates may seem romantic, it can also lead to pressure and disappointment. When people are constantly searching for “the one”, they risk overlooking healthy, real connections simply because they don’t fit their idealized version of what love should be. The constant search for perfection often leads to dissatisfaction, because no relationship is without its challenges.
People’s belief in the idea promotes that love is effortless and predetermined, rather than something that requires effort and patience. This belief can lead people to expect perfection in their partners, which, as nearly everyone knows, is impossible. Their expectations, when not met, can cause them to walk away at the first sign of conflict rather than working through them. It can also make people feel like they have failed if their relationship isn’t constantly filled with passion and harmony. And as humans, moments or even periods at a time lacking such are normal, inevitable even. Worse yet, the idea of soulmates can trap people in toxic relationships, convincing them that suffering is a necessary part of a love story written by fate. If love is seen as something written in the stars rather than built through shared effort, it can discourage people from taking responsibility for their own happiness and relationship choices, again throwing caution to the wind.
However, to be fair, the idea of soulmates can also be very uplifting. It gives people hope that true, deep connection is possible. It encourages the belief that love is not just about convenience or good timing but about something more profound—an undeniable bond that goes beyond surface-level attraction. It gives people a nudge of encouragement to stray from settling for something unfulfilling and instead to look for relationships that bring them genuine happiness and true compatibility. And there’s the undeniable sense of magic it adds to the idea of love. It makes it feel rare and precious rather than just another aspect of life. More than anything, it makes the love and relationship aspect of people’s lives fun.
Ultimately, soulmates are a subjective experience. Its reality really just depends on how one defines the term. When viewed as the one and only perfect match, then it comes to be more of a romanticized myth than a reality. But if it were seen as deep meaningful connections that can develop through effort and compatibility, then the word holds more weight. Besides, no one is truly at liberty to dictate if another’s experience is true or not. Their experiences are theirs alone, and if they deem those to be one of a soulmate experience, then to them it is.
The Right One Right Now
Ultimately, soulmates are a subjective experience. Its reality really just depends on how one defines the term. But in reality, no one person can fulfill all of one’s needs or be their true source of happiness. So what if, instead of focusing on the idea of “The One”, people shifted their mindset to embrace the idea of “The Right One Right Now? ” As cynical as it sounds, this doesn’t mean settling for less or giving up on love—it simply means realizing that love doesn’t always come in a perfect, neat package. It takes a lot to build a healthy relationship—effort, shared values, and mutual respect, not some magical phenomenon that solves all their problems.
In this approach, love becomes about growth. The person you’re with doesn’t need to be “perfect” in every way, but rather someone you can learn with, evolve with, and build a life together with. This realistic way of seeing things allows room for imperfections and challenges with feeling like the relationship is doomed.
